[OPEN] it hurts to remember.

[deacon reid rudman]

"Don't be sorry. I'm pretty much a corpse with two people inside me. My heart doesn't even beat." He shrugged, leaning over to kiss him gently. His hand went to his side as he turned over, gently tracing his fingers up and down Connor's side. He looked over at him, his bright green eyes tracing the lines of his face. He wasn't getting his hopes up anymore, knew that Connor was going to die. He didn't even think he would make it to their wedding. He kissed his forehead gently, hugging him loosely. "Why don't you go meet up with Christy or one of your friends? It's a pretty day out." He said quietly, managing a smile. "You guys can go to the park. You haven't seen your little sister in a few days."

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor bit his lip, searching his face. "Cos I wanna spend time with you guys.." He mumbled. "I was just out with them the other day.." And he honestly wasn't feeling good right now, didn't want Christy dealing with that. He had been working on eating, sure, but he'd reacted poorly to something they had given him before surgery the other day, and he'd been sick ever since. They said it should pass in the next day or so, but he felt horrible, no matter how he acted on the outside, desperate to make every moment count.

[deacon reid rudman]

Deacon was going to argue that Connor saw him and Bandit every day, but decided to just let it go. He couldn't help thinking how the two always clashed when it came to spending time together; when Deacon wanted to be around him, Connor wanted to be gone. And when Deacon wanted to be alone, Connor was there. But he was willing to deal with it since it was Connor, and he didn't have much time with Connor anymore.

He reached up, stroking his cheek gently before he turned over onto his back, reaching over to take Connor's hand. He played with his fingers slowly, listening to Bandit talking to Thatcher. "I know you don't wanna talk about it, but Thatcher said he'll take Bandit. And Christy, if you want him to. But if you think she's better with Dallas, then she can stay there. I think Thatcher likes you. Which is saying a lot, considering he's not fond of many people."

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor bit his lip, jaw trembling some. Something Zoey had said a few days ago kept ringing in his head, and he couldn't shake the irony of it. "Whatever sh-she's happier with... She'd probably like him...a-and then she could grow up with Bandit.." He whispered hoarsely, choking back any grief a single tear rolled down his cheek. Of course he didn't want to talk about it. But he knew it needed to be all sorted out. He buried his face in Deacon's neck, closing his eyes. Barely hanging on anymore, it felt like surgery after surgery wasn't doing a thing, like something else was always wrong. It wasn't fair.

[deacon reid rudman]

"Thatch's gonna have his hands full with two girls. All he ever had was me. And I was practically grown when he got me." He mumbled, bringing Connor's hand up to his mouth to kiss it. He couldn't help feeling selfish, denying Bandit not only one of her fathers, but both of them. But even if he stayed, she would grow up and leave. She wasn't going to be his little girl forever.

"You gotta see what Ace and Thatcher did to Bandit." He said, squeezing his hand. "Bandit! Come see!"

"No!" She complained.

"Please?" He asked and she toddled over. He held out his hand and she curled up on his chest. He pulled one of her hands out from under her. "Thatcher painted her nails yellow, and Ace put dots on them. They're trying to make our little girl grow up too fast." He said, kissing the top of her head. It amazed him how Bandit had gone from his to theirs in the blink of an eye.

"We're putting temporary tattoos on her next." Thatcher said, handing Connor the flowers Bandit had picked for him. "She's gonna have tattoos like dad, huh?"

"Yeah." She said, smiling up at Thatcher.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor smiled, laughing softly. It caused him to cough, which in turn had him gagging briefly before he reached over and ruffled her hair, setting down the flowers with the others. "Nail polish a-and tatt-toos huh?" He breathed with another smile.

[deacon reid rudman]

She smiled up at him, nodding her head. She stuck a thumb in her mouth, the other playing with one of her pigtails. "Yub oo, daddy." She told him from behind his thumb. Deacon hugged her close with one arm, the other resting on Connor's thigh.

"I'm going get a drink. You want something?" Thatcher asked, knowing Deacon didn't drink anything but alcohol.

"No. But you can get Bandit a chocolate milk and Connor a water." He said, and Thatcher nodded, walking back over to his car. He looked down at Bandit, rubbing her side gently.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor smiled. "Love y-you too baby.." He breathed, reaching down for Deacon's hand. He held it close to his chest, unaware of the faint irregularities of his heart beat. He smiled at the two of them, leaned over to kiss the corner of Deacon's mouth.

[deacon reid rudman]

Deacon leaned over, kissing him slowly. He squeezed his hand gently, looking over at him through a curtain of dark hair. He smiled, turning the ring around on his finger as he patted Bandit's back. She hummed softly, trying to put herself to sleep. "I love you." He breathed, kissing his nose. "More than anything. Even if you are cheating on me with a little red headed rascal." He smirked.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor smiled up at him, reaching a surprisingly warm hand to stroke his cheek. "I love you too..." He murmured softly, hiding the cringe of a sudden jolt of pain. He pushed it aside, thinking nothing of it, it had happened before.