[CLOSED] we die young.

[mathieu 'mat' darren blank]

Mat shook his head, unable to form words. He was crying too hard. He just laced his fingers together behind his neck, the one sure sign that Mat had given up, that Mat was too hurt to pretend he was okay. "I don't know, Dylan.. I don't.." He mumbled, shaking with his cries.

"I'm tired of what-if's and trying to be happy Mat and perky Mat and annoying Mat. Mat is dead, and that's the end of it. That Mat died when he realized that Dylan wasn't his Dylan anymore. I can't do it. There's no median here. There's what is and what used to be. You can't go back to the past, okay? I'm.. I'm the past.. This boy is your tomorrow. He's what I can't give you.." He let his hands drop into his lap, keeping his head down as he still cried. "I'm always a little too fucking late. I had you once and I.. I can't have you now.. D-Dylan isn't mine anymore.." He could see now why he had took it out on Devon, why he had turned mean. He would have done the same thing. And then blew his head off if he'd lost Dylan.

"You lasted a lot longer than I would have.." He cried, playing with the ring on his finger.

[dylan flambyte parker]

Dylan sobbed softly, just shaking his head. "That's the problem Mat..I can't do it much longer, I just can't. You'll see. One day in the paper or something you'll fucking see. And then you'll know. 'Oh, Dylan wasn't as strong as he always pretended to be. Oh no, that was the fake Dylan. The real Dylan was too fucked to try any harder. The real Dylan finally gave up and ended his god damned life like the coward he was.'"

His teeth gritted again, grinding together, just trying to stop the flow of tears. He barely noticed how tight his grip around Mat had become, protective, scared. "You'll see Mat... I'm not as strong as you think..."

[mathieu 'mat' darren blank]

Mat's face grew red, more angry than anything. "You're not a coward, damnit! You've never been a coward, Dylan!" He nearly screamed, more tears falling down his cheeks. "You weren't ever a coward! I'm sorry I came here, okay? If I would have known I was ruining your life I would have stayed where I was." He cried harder, pulling himself to his feet. Whoever was up there had been nice enough to let him touch him, he couldn't help but wonder if he would be pulled down to hell, just another sick joke.

"I'm sorry, okay? I would have pretended to be sick. Or jumped out the bus window. Or something. If I would have known you were so happy I would have stayed in the shade. I'm sorry, Dylan, okay? I'm fucking sorry.." He wrapped his arms around himself, walking over to the water's edge. He cried so hard he just dropped to the sand, hugging his knees again.

[dylan flambyte parker]

Dylan got up, trailing after him quietly and rubbing a his face. Too much emotion in one sitting. He dropped down beside him. "I'm not happy Mat, don't you see it? I haven't been happy for a long time. Maybe-..maybe occasionally I am, but it doesn't last. You're not ruining my life, being without you did... You didn't know the stage was going to go up that day, you don't gotta apologize.." He felt fucking bipolar right now, emotions taking a toll on his control over everything. He hadn't been joking, he wasn't sure if Mat understood that completely. He was so ready to end his life.. Hell or no hell.

"C'mere baby..." He whispered, the words leaving his lips almost absently, though he was aware that Mat had avoided the term just minutes ago. He rubbed at his back gently, his other hand running through the sand for a moment.

[mathieu 'mat' darren blank]

Mat didn't want to go, not after Dylan had called him baby. He couldn't help but think bitterly, 'I bet you call him that, too.' He pushed the though away, hated the idea of being a selfish person. He moved closer to him, laying his head on his shoulder. He would have climbed into his lap, but his heart kept telling him no, that Dylan wasn't his anymore to just go about doing whatever he wanted. 'This is Nash's Dylan.' He thought, another tear running down his cheek. He wiped at it angrily, angry at himself for thinking everything would be okay when everything was falling apart.

"If you die I swear I'm going to kill you to death." He grumbled, but he knew deep down that it would end both of their suffering, but hurt that boyfriend of his. 'He's a sweet boy'. Those words kept ringing in his ears.

'Damnit, Mat. Stop being so damn protective. He isn't yours. He hasn't been for three damn years.' He thought, pulling his knees close again.

[dylan flambyte parker]

Dylan wrapped his arm around his waist, staring out across the water. He shrugged indifferently at Mat's words. "I'll be dead, it won't matter how hard you kill me...."

Not 'I would' but 'I will'. He was done with the what-ifs at all, tired of all of this. 'I don't know what I'm doing anymore.. Don't know what I need to do.'

He sighed shakily, headache getting to him but it didn't matter anymore. One drink or ten, it had made no difference. All it had done for him was get him a little drunk and in half a fight. The half being him fighting and the other trying to leave.

His hand down Mathieu's own, playing with the ring there. 'I was going to ask him to marry him after that show.. That home show. Devon wanted to come that night and I told him he'd be safer at home than in a crowd of people.. He didn't witness what I did..it's my fault, not his.... What the hell have I done?'

He chest shuddered with each breath, unaware of his silent, broken cries as he stared across the water, too caught up in thought. 'I can't pretend this didn't hapoen...I can't just move on.. I promised him forever, did forever end there or not?' But at this rate, he couldn't even answer his own questions anymore, just cried.

[mathieu 'mat' darren blank]

"Dylan.." Mat cried, wrapping his arms tightly around him. He could feel his hand, the ring on his finger turning. The only thing he could think was that he was going to take it. 'He's gonna take it back. He's gonna take it and walk off, leave me here..' He thought, watching his fingers turn the grey band around and around. He finally pulled his hand away, the ring slipping off and into Dylan's hand. He noticed how much paler his finger was where it had been, the ring making a permanent indention in his finger. He looked up at Dylan, tears still falling down his cheeks.

"I love you.." He whispered. It felt wrong, it felt off. He put one knee in Dylan's lap, sitting down on his leg as he pulled the other boy's face to his, pressing their lips together. He held him there until he was crying too hard to even sit up. He leaned against Dylan, wrapping his arms around his neck. "I love you, Dylan.. Please don't do it.." He pleaded, sobbing harder.

[dylan flambyte parker]

Dylan felt the ring slip off and his thoughts shattered, leaving him shaken. Absently he took Mat's hand and slid it back on quietly, caught off guard by the kiss. He felt guilty, but yet it felt like nothing he had tasted in forever, and he kissed back tenderly until Mat collapsed against him. His own tears still flowed but it did 't matter anymore. "Don't do what, baby?" He mumbled. "I can't promise my life, if that's what you mean, Mat... I'm past that now....can't hold out anymore... I-...I love you too, you know? What happened to forever Maty Cakes? What happened to 'the end of time?' Not Britt's time, right? I told you I wouldn't forget. We just forgot to replace the batteries is all.."

He began to rub his back soothingly again.

[mathieu 'mat' darren blank]

Mat curled up against him, still crying. "Forever ends if you die, Dyl.. You can't come back.. Please don't die.. I'm sorry Britt is too dumb to replace the batteries in clocks. He's an idiot. Don't die, Dylan.. I need you like Britt needs a life time supply of batteries. I love you more than the sun, and all the nine planets, and all their moons.. I love you, Dylan.. Please don't take that away again. I don't care if you're not mine anymore. Just please, don't die.. I can deal with not having you but I can't deal with you being dead.." He knew Dylan would go home and he wouldn't wake up again. He knew Dylan wasn't coming back.

"I'm not letting go.." He cried, hugging him tightly. "And you can't make me."

[dylan flambyte parker]

"I could make you.." He whispered. "I probably should.. But I won't." He layed down in the sand slowly, pulling Mat with him and holding him close as he stared at the water.

"I love you so much.." He mumbled. "I'm too broken though..I don't think I can be fixed anymore..."