[CLOSED] we die young.

[mathieu 'mat' darren blank]

Mat kept his arms tight around him, knowing when he let go, it wouldn't be his Dylan there anymore. It would be Nash's Dylan. He cried, burying his face in Dylan's neck. It seemed like forever couldn't make up for the three long years he had been without him.

"Promise me you'll be happy.." He whispered, tears soaking his cheeks. He looked over at Dylan, stroking his cheek gently. He wanted to take the ring off, but he knew he couldn't. Dylan had put it there, and that's where it would stay. "Promise me that you can be happy now.. You got your kiss.."

[dylan flambyte parker]

Dylan brushed his tears away gently. "I can't promise that," He rasped softly. "I can never promise you that Mathieu. You're always gonna be my Maty Cakes, you know?"

He hugged him close. "Cuter than a bunny rabbit, yeah Mat?" He kissed his forehead gently. "Just-...just lay here with me for awhile." He let out a shaky breath. It felt wrong, but so right at the same time. It felt like it had been forever, and yet it all fit together as if time had not passed at all.

[mathieu 'mat' darren blank]

Mat stroked his cheek gently. "You're always going to be my Dyl pickle." He said, forcing a smile. Now he would just be Dylan, no more pet names for Mat.

"I'm always cuter than a bunny rabbit." He mumbled, laying his head on Dylan's shoulder. He had never felt so wrong about laying with Dylan before. The person he had loved for years and years wasn't his anymore. And he may never be his again. He decided he would keep the ring on as a memory of what he once had, what he could still have had if he wouldn't have went to that side of the stage, if he had stayed in the bus sick, if he had been a little less high than he was. He closed his eyes, so tired of crying.

[dylan flambyte parker]

"Always..." He repeated softly, running his fingers through Mat's hair. Sudden grief washed over him. He hated everything that had changed...

Cracking, he huffed Mathieu tight and began to cry again. "Sorry..." He mumbled, trying to gain control. "I'm such a fucking mess.." He rubbed at his face, didn't know what to think about any of this at all.

He sighed shakily. "I just-...damn...this is a fucking tease... I thought not being able to touch you sucked...but they just gotta keep fucking us up, huh?" No jokes, no smiles. Unlike before, he didn't try and make it all rainbows and smiles.

[mathieu 'mat' darren blank]

Mat held him close as he cried, brushing away his tears. He hated seeing the person who was always so big and bold crying. "It's okay to cry.." He whispered, kissing the top of his head. He closed his eyes, fighting the tears himself.

"I really don't know what to say to make it better, bab- Dylan.." He stroked his hair gently, trying to comfort him. "All I know is I wish I had never died.. Then I could have you, then we wouldn't have to go through this and if we broke up, then it was because we just didn't love each other, not because one of us died and the other moved on. That seems like it would be better. But sometimes easy is too easy.."

[dylan flambyte parker]

"I never moved on..." He rasped, not bothering stop his tears anymore. "I just don't wanna hurt Nash...he really is a sweet guy, he's got it so rough...he's the only person I haven't wanted to hurt or make fun of since you died...."

His throat felt tight, and swallowing could not get rid of that knot. "I have too many choices to make now. And either way I'm hurting one of you, and no matter the choice I'm hurting myself too... I really screwed up without you there to keep me in line..." He sniffed softly.

[mathieu 'mat' darren blank]

"Shh.." He stroked his hair, hugging him close. He tipped his chin back so Dylan had to look at him. "You're not hurting me, Dylan. Go home, and give him a hug. Tell him how much you care about him. And if you ever need me, I'll be at the cemetery, okay? I'm never that far away from you, Dylan.." It was the best he could come up with. And it caused less stress for Dylan. He was fine back at the cemetery, he had been for nearly three years now. And if he turned back into a spirit, that was fine too. He kissed his forehead, running his fingers through his hair again.

"That's what you need to do.." He whispered.

[dylan flambyte parker]

Dylan shook his head, biting down hard on hip lip, not caring if he drew blood. He just wanted it to stop trembling. The term 'friend-zoned' had never hurt so bad.

He looked away sharply, rubbing angrily at his face. Sitting up, keeping Mat held close, he kicked at the sand, his teeth gritting. "I hate this." He spat softly, unable to help himself. It was all he could do to hide who he used to be. He had become mean in the process of locking his fun and broken self inside, in the process of growing up.

"And now I have fucking work with fucking Britton tomorrow too." Fingers tangled in his own hair, not even caring what Mat saw of him. Did it even matter?

[mathieu 'mat' darren blank]

"Dylan, why do you have to make a mile out of an inch?" He asked, tears falling down his cheeks again. "I love you like I loved you three years ago, like I loved you before I died, and I love you like I'm going to love you until the fucking sky caves in.. I'm never not going to love you, Dylan. You've been everything to me for five years now.. I'm trying to help you. You don't want to lose the boy, you don't want to hurt him. That's.. a lot easier to do with me out of the picture.." That last statement killed him. He could be selfish and tell him to forget the boy, that he had him first. But Mat was never a mean person. Annoying maybe. But never mean.

"I'm always going to need you like I did, Dylan.." He whispered, lowering his head as he started to sob, pulling his knees close. 'It really is easier with me out of the picture.. I never thought I'd lose my Dylan..' He thought, tangling his hands in his hair.

[dylan flambyte parker]

Dylan's eyebrows furrowed. "You're never gonna be out of the fucking picture Mat, that's the problem." He had made him cry though, hugged him close and held him tight. "Shh.." He lifted his chin, brushing at his tears gently, and bit his lip. "I'm as old as you now... Scary thought." Stroking his cheek gently, hair, he guided Mat's head to his chest.

"I'm sorry...I dunno how else to deal with it anymore...I guess pushing everyone away, even my own family, I-..I didn't know how to cope.. The first time I his Dev was the night you died. He wanted to know why I was crying...That's the last time I cried, not counting all my sleepless nghts in haunting dreams..."

He let out a shaky breath. "I'm so afraid of moving on.. I don't wanna... I just want things like they were, even though I know it can't happen.. I'm tired of making things bigger than they are... It's getting too fucking hard to live with all these choices and hardships, with all the people I've hurt on purpose and on accident. It's like-...it's like you kept the monster at bay all those years..the demon inside of me...."