[CLOSED] we die young.

[mathieu 'mat' darren blank]

"I.. When my guitar went up, I stopped playing and grabbed one end of the strap and tried to break it off so I could just toss it and run. But it wouldn't break off. So I tried to pull it off, but then the stage exploded. It felt like forever, and no time at all.." He looked over at him, trying not to cry.

"Because.. If.. if I'm not yours anymore, I.. I can't keep looking at it, knowing I can't have you.. I love you too much, Dylan.." He cried harder now, turning over on his side. He didn't want to think that Dylan wouldn't be his one day. "This Mat will always be yours.. I'll love you forever.."

[dylan flambyte parker]

"I wish I could have helped you Mat...who knows if I could have got to you fast enough. Damned band members held me back. I would have dued trying to save you..."

He watched Mat turn over and sighed shakily. "You could have me if you wanted.." He whispered brokenly. "You could have anything that heart of yours desired, you know? I'll never stop loving you, no matter the time that passes or people I fall for. You're always gonna be at the top of my list. And honestly it scares me."

[mathieu 'mat' darren blank]

"I would rather me die than you. Because I would have shot myself if you died. You're stronger without me than I am without you." He whispered, reaching over to touch him before drawing his hand back.

"I can't, Dylan.. I can't have you.." He whispered, drawing his arms close to him. He ran his fingers over the tattoos on the other hand, unable to look at Dylan. "I can't take you from him.. You didn't take me from the bitch I was with before you. I can't take you from your boyfriend. I can be your friend.. But that's all I can be.. I can't hurt him or you like that.." Even if it killed him to think about it.

[dylan flambyte parker]

"Only cos I'll go straight to hell.." He mumbled under his breath. And then he realized why he took it out on Devon. Because he couldn't take it out on himself.

He gazed at him brokenly. "If you had come to me a few days ago it wouldn't be like this..." He rasped, wishing he could hug him close, comfort him. "I just want you here...like...really here..." He wasn't sure if he could ever be himself again though, not after witnessing what he had... He didn't really talk to the band anymore, whether they had been friends or not. It had been too hard. He didn't know why he came to this place anymore.

[mathieu 'mat' darren blank]

"I could have. But I cried for an entire year, and I've spent most of my time out in the cemetery, on my grave. I finally wandered out here. But now I wish I hadn't. Two years is a long time to be alone, sitting on your own grave." He shrugged, hugging his knees close. There wasn't much he could do now. Dylan was already someone else's. He rubbed his hands up and down his pants legs.

"I wouldn't change it.. You're happy with him.. He's going to be here regardless. There's no promise that I'm going to be here after I fix what I broke.. I at least got to tell you I loved you.."

[dylan flambyte parker]

"I love you so much Mat..." He whispered. "Sometimes I sit and think of that last tour with you, wish we could have finished it you know? Just don't have enough memories with you.. I don't think I ever will.."

He brushed tears from his eyes quietly, sniffed faintly. He licked at dry lips. "Guess I came out here to think about you tonight...didn't think I would actually run into you."

[mathieu 'mat' darren blank]

"There's never enough time with someone you love.. You just have to think about what might have happened, dream about what you could have had if XYZ didn't happen. It's like science. You never know what's gonna do what, and if it fucking blows up, well it blows up." He shrugged, looking over at him.

"Don't cry, Dylan.." He mumbled, reaching out to brush the tears away. But his fingers actually touched his cheek this time. His face went paler than it was.

"I'm going fucking nuts.." He breathed.

'If you wanna touch him, you're going to work for it. The grim reaper needs to be cut a little slack.'

[dylan flambyte parker]

Dylan looked away. "Thinking it up dies nothing for me," He whispered. "Not if it isn't real..." He swallowed, and nearly jumped at the touch on his cheek. He spun, jaw trembling. Fresh tears fell and he smiled just faintly.

"If you are, I am too..." He mumbled, afraid to try and touch him, afraid he might just very well vanish. "Besides...I have every reason to cry..."

[mathieu 'mat' darren blank]

"You have no reason to cry." He said, running his fingers across his cheek. The first and last person he had touched. He crawled over to him, wrapping his arms around his neck. He kissed him softly, slowly, all his worries about his boyfriend forgotten. He ran his tongue across his bottom lip, tears falling down his cheeks as he pulled away, looking over at him.

"I love you so fucking much, Dylan.." He whispered, raising a hand to stroke his cheek. "You're really here.." He hugged him again, clinging to him.

[dylan flambyte parker]

Dylan collapsed back, hugging Mat tight. No matter how guilty he would be later, in that sudden moment between never and forever, Dylan only thought of Mat, of the kiss he had missed for nearly three years. Grief and joy washed over him as he kissed him back, sobbing into his shoulder.

This could only be a dream. "God I love you...." He ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm fucking dreaming...."