[CLOSED] to clear my head, somehow..

[marcus owen foster]

"There's no one out there, Tony.. You sound like my sister.. All of a sudden she has a boyfriend and 'oh, there's someone for everyone!' Well, that's not the case, okay? Some people have someone and some people don't." He didn't like the idea of not making his moma proud. It upset him, in fact.

"She told me she would always be proud of me. No matter what.." He said quietly, looking down at the sand. He almost wished he had just walked away, that he had never tuned back.

"I can't.. I can't think of one single reason I should still be here. But I can think of a hundred why I shouldn't.."

[tony angel martyn]

"Marc.." Tony sighed. "I never said you have to fall in love. You don't okay? I don't have anyone romantically. That's not the point. You don't have to love them, but there is a family out there that loves you, and there are people here who will always have your back no matter what. and that's what counts."

He folded his hands together again. "as for her always being happy, proud, sure. She's your mom, you're strong. That's enough to make one proud. But tryina kill yourself? That's a different story Marc.."

[marcus owen foster]

"I don't care what you have and don't have! You aren't me. Okay? You're.. You're some random guy who I will never see again as long as I live. Which won't be very long, if I have any say-so in it." He looked back down at his hands, growing angry. "A-and even having someone to love isn't a reason to stay. Because they're just gonna die too.. A reason to stay is to have someone you love, and someone who loves you back, like a child. Someone to protect and take care of. Someone who can make you smile every day and show you that not.. the entire world is bad.." He started picking at one of his stitches again, causing it to come unwound.

[tony angel martyn]

Tony's teeth gritted. "I never said you had to fucking care. Nobody has to care about my problems. I'm trying to get you to see your own! Ou don't get it. You really think dying is going to get you what you wat?! You really think I don't know? There's nothing at the fucking end Marc, nothing! You end up right back here eternally, or burn in fuckin' hell. Or sit in the dark and you're just gone. There's nothing else. You won't see her by trying this way. What do you think I was fucking doing?! She's nit there waiting Marc, it's not gonna be a fuckin' happy family reunion no matter what you want. They don't play by the rules, nobody does." He blinked away the tear in the corners of his blue eyes angrily, snatched Marc's arm before he could pull any more stitches free. "Stop.. I don't care if you ever see me again.." His voice had gone low, cold and angry, towards Marc's words, not him. "You're fuckin' older than me though, you should understand this much. There is -nothing- you can do to bring her back or see her by going out like this. Maybe you should just live your goddamned life Marc. We all struggle, nobody gave you privlieges. And you're gonna learn the hard way. Go kill yourself. I don't fucking care. But if you actually do manage this time, you'll never see her again."

[marcus owen foster]

Marc shook his head, wanting so bad for the boy to be wrong. He choked back tears, just letting the boy hold onto his arm. "It doesn't matter how old you are.. You never stop loving your mom.." He looked away, turning his arm over so it was resting in the boy's lap.

"I don't have anyone, Tony.. Don't you get that? You have a family, you said so.. I don't. If I'm still alive tomorrow, it's just gonna be the same old song and dance. There's not gonna be anyone sitting there to tell me 'I love you and I don't wanna see you hurt'. There never has been and there never will be. Give me one good reason to stay, Tony. One. One reason to go one more day, to keep trying one more day. And it better be good, too." He looked over at the boy, waiting for his answer.

[tony angel martyn]

Tony stared down at the guys arm in his lap, realizing he'd really just blown up like that, all that pent up rage towards his own failure at being able to see his mom by ending it. "When I was in your position just months ago, I didn't have anyone either... A reason though..." He shook his head, tears occasionally falling down his cheeks.

"Because you have potential Marc. I met you what, fifteen minutes ago maybe? You don't have to like me, hate my guts if you want. But you just met your gaurdian angel Marc...and if that reason isn't good enough, maybe this one is.

He leaned in, a hand finding his cheek, kissed him softly on the lipes before resting his forehead to Marc's own, searching his face. "I've lived your life Marc, and it killed me..I know what happens, and you're making a horrible mistake by trying to reacrate the same sad ending to the song..."

[marcus owen foster]

Marc felt the boy's lips against his and didn't know quite how to take it. But he kissed him back, rubbing his thigh gently.

"That's not a reason, that's a kiss." He said with a sideways smile.

"I'll promise you tomorrow. But only because it's you. But I don't know how much I can promise because I don't know how much I can take. And I don't know how far I can go alone. You're here, but it's apparently because you have to be. There's a difference between need and want." He didn't want to admit he wanted him to stay, that he wanted to stay because of him. Because something about the boy showed he cared. He gently took the boys hand into his, looking down at his feet.

[tony angel martyn]

"That's fine he mumbled, staring down at the blood staining his own hands now. "One day is all I need Marc, to prove this isn't just because I'm supposed to help you, but because I want to, because I went through the exact same thing. One days is all I need to prove to you that someone out there now cares a lot, and that there are others too, that the world isn't all bad."

He huffed faintly, lowered his gaze, suddenly self conscious. "I'm sorry 'bout screaming at you though...I try not to do that a lot."

[marcus owen foster]

Marc nodded, listening to him quietly. He heard him apologize, and shook his head.

"It's okay. Everytime I end up in the hospital, my dad yells at me. He tells me I'm being stupid, even if I'm really sick. Says I do it to myself. I just.. you get used to it, you know?" He looked at his watch, and sighed.

"Forgot I was off today. Dad keeps asking when I'm gonna move out, when I'm gonna grow up and get married. And I'd look for a place just to shut him up, but I know if I'm alone I really will end it.." He said, looking back down at his shoes.

[tony angel martyn]

Tony bit his lip. "That's not right," He murmured with a shake of his head. "You can crash at my place whenever you need though. Till you're back on your feet and stable enough to find your own okay? I'd hate to see the news one day and realize the guy I tried to help and kissed at the beach went and offed himself. Waste of a kiss on my part." A smile tugged at his lips.