[CLOSED] why don't you love me?

[monroe owen hughes]

Monroe drew his eyebrows together, honestly confused. "Zain I-.." He mumbled, coughing as he was hit in the chest. He looked up at him, more hurt at the action than anything. He sat up straighter, the mark Zain made on his neck still there and visible.

"Zain, I'm not gonna hurt you.." He breathed, then bit down hard on his lip. Drugs or not, he felt like he was on a roller coaster, falling for someone he didn't know one minute, and hating him the next. Tears spilled down his cheeks, and he drew his hands away from Zain's hips. "I never wanted to hurt you.."

[zain marshal rhoston]

Zain blinked. Loss of touch with Monroe shattered the memory of other, hungrier hands. He stared at him quietly, jaw trembling in confusion. "Monroe.." He whispered, wiped at his tears curiously, then touched his own damp cheeks. Eyebrows furrowed. The drug was coming in odd little waves. He bit his lip. "Why you crying..? He didn't even know why he himself was crying. His phone was buzzing in his pocket. He ignored it, probably Skylar. He let go of Monroe's chest, tearing at the grass as words and sounds bubbled up in his head until he gripped at it with a cry. "I didn't mean to..make it go away.." He begged. But it was hard to tell if he was actually talking to Monroe or not.

[monroe owen hughes]

Monroe shook his head slowly, biting down harder on his lip. He felt bad, even if he knew it was the drugs making him do it. He didn't want to have to just walk away. He had wanted to see Zain. But he wasn't so sure he wanted to be around him anymore, not if he was high at least.

"I can't make it go away.." He mumbled, wiping angrily at his cheeks. He moved out from underneath Zain, pulling himself up. His pants were low, his shirt riding up. But he didn't bother fixing them. He just started pacing back and forth, tears falling down his cheeks again. "I'm so fucking stupid.." He mumbled, biting down on his finger.

[zain marshal rhoston]

Zain barely moved, left on his knees and staring at the ground. "You lied for five years.." He growled under his breath. "You fucked me for five years..you were s'posed to protect me..you promised!" He shuddered, rubbing at an eye, and curled up. And finally he just shut down, eyes open and emotionless. Only LSD ever screwed him up this bad. His breaths were quick, and he watched Monroe pace back and forth, tears falling to a stop. If his eyes were closed he would have seemed asleep. But he didn't say another thing. Maybe the pills were old or he burned through it fast, but there were no more hallucinations. At the same time he wasn't aware of much, probably didn't have a clue and wouldn't have one in the morning of such actions. A good half hour must have passed like that before he shifted his weight, seeming to wake from a sleep he had never been in. The drugs obviously lingered, but he was alert, and this time looked worried. "Monroe.."

[monroe owen hughes]

Monroe looked over at him when he said his name, had literally worn a rut in the grass by now. "What are you gonna tell me now, genie?!" He asked, tears falling down his cheeks as he cried harder. "Are you gonna tell me I'm crazy?! Am I stupid?! Y-you.. I'm sorry I called you out here, okay? I'm sorry.. All I wanted to do was sit here with you a-and.. and tell you that I can't stop thinking about you. Not the sex, not the making out or the biting or.. you, okay? You make me want to hate you and love you at the same time! I know what you are, but do you really have to keep running through my mind?" He threw his hands up in defeat, clasping a hand over his mouth as he started walking his rut again.

[zain marshal rhoston]

Zain furrowed his eyebrows, closed his eyes. "You're not none of that Monroe..I am okay..? I shouldn'ta taken it, Sky told me not to bring it..." He cried softly. "I'm sorry... I-I just wanted to make this night even better...wanted to matter.... I didn't think about the acid fucking everything up..." He sat up, wrapping his arms around himself. "I don't know why I'm in your head, what I said on the fucking drug, o-or why I want you to even care bout me... No one loves a whore, no one wants me... Love's nothig but a fuckin' lie, Moroe." He rubbed at his nose, patted the grass. "Come...come sit down... We don't have to talk or touch or anything if you don't want..."

[monroe owen hughes]

Monroe shook his head, but sat down next to him nonetheless. "You don't get it, Zain.. I don't get it either." He mumbled, laying back in the grass. He looked up at the stars, not able to make out a single thing but a bunch of white dots on a black canvas.

"That's not true, okay? You're.. I want you.." He mumbled brokenly, looking over at him. He didn't think he was lying, just confused. "I'm being stupid.. Just.. forget it, okay?" He mumbled, turning his head away. He looked out into the trees, saw something with red eyes look back. But he wasn't scared, just upset.

[zain marshal rhoston]

Zain hesitated, lying down beside him and resting his head on Monroe's shoulder. "Sometimes I wonder if I even have a fucking purpose in this life that's anything more than being a sex toy..." He whispered, resting a hand over Monroe's chest. "Hard to think there is one anymore... Maybe leavin' this earth would be better..." He sighed. "My parents were...in the World Trade Center on September eleventh. My aunt called, told me they said they would be fine, that they loved me. I was in school, and they let us out early. Phone rang twice before we watched the towers fall on TV.." He rubbed at his face. "They tried calling..tried saying goodbye.. Leah and Skylar, they were old enough to live alone when they lost their parents...I was only about twelve... And my new guardian, barely legal to have custody of a kid. He told me he could make life better...he could fix the broken inside of me.... He told me he loved me...." He shifted his weight. "And every morning, every night, for fucking five years straight, he raped me, speaking lies through his teeth... He promised me the world... Bought me a hamster for my fourteenth birthday, broke it's neck an hour later..." He shrugged. "Skylar doesn't let me out of drugs...says I freak... So...there's my sotry, I guess... Maybe I am crazy, Monroe.." He rubbed at an eye. "I nothin' you want to fall for... Nothing you want to care about. Hell, aftsr that day I stopped going to school. Only thing he taught me was how to be mean...how to be addicted to sex, be a whore.... He taught me that love was lust ad dreams, dust. That my life is just one big fucking fraud...." He rested an arm over his eyes, wanted to sleep, forget. Wanted to take back everything he had.just said, didn't want him to know.

[monroe owen hughes]

"I'm sorry.." He breathed, gently rubbing his back. He turned over on his side, tipping Zain's chin back so he would look at him. "So he lied.." He mumbled, moving closer. He was never any good at putting things back together, couldn't even put himself together sometimes. "That doesn't mean everyone lies, Zain.. That doesn't mean you're not worth falling for.. If you want the world, I'll go out and get it for you.. But I don't think the world can fix anything.. The world is as much of a mess as we are.." He bit his lip, reaching up to stroke his cheek.

"I don't want to fall for you because I don't want to be the reason your life stops.. But please, don't kill yourself.. Don't leave.. Just lay here with me until everything's okay.. Even if it's forever." He cupped his cheek gently, kissing him softly. He traced his fingers over his cheek, looking over at him. "Everything since the mall the other day has been about you and it scares me.. I don't wanna fall for someone who I don't know.. Even if he's the most amazing guy I've ever met.." He looked away, chewing on his lip.

[zain marshal rhoston]

"My life won't stop because of you...but even you can't fix the broken, and there isn't such thing as forever..." He met the kiss softly. "Don't fall for me, then.... Because I doubt you'll want me once you know the real me... You've probably already seen me at my best...you haven't seen me at my worst...."

He sighed, silent for a moment. "I wanna go home.." He finally mumbled. "I wish I could have given you what you wanted tonight.... I'm sorry...." He hesitated a moment longer. "How about you crash at my place tonight..? Nobody will mind..." He wasn't quite ready to say goodbye, afraid he'd never see him again, that he had very well chased him off by taking the drugs.