[CLOSED] we die young.

[mathieu 'mat' darren blank]

Mat felt tears falling down his cheeks again. He didn't want for Dylan to be proud of him. That killed him. He pulled Dylan close, kissing him deeply. He stroked his cheek gently, tears falling down his own. "I didn't.. I love you so much, Dylan.." He whispered, trailing his fingers down his neck. All this he couldn't have. All this that Dylan wanted to give him, he couldn't ever have any of it.

"Why can't you be just as proud of him? If he's lucky enough to catch your eye, he's lucky enough to be yours, Dylan. He can be everything I can't.." He didn't want to lose him, he wanted to marry him. But he couldn't have that. He lost that three years ago.

[dylan flambyte parker]

"Because he isn't you.." He rasped. "Plenty caught my eye..I didn't WANT to move on. He just- he-...I dunno dammit!" He dug his fingers into the sand, throwing it, and coughed as the wind blew it back into his face, whimpering and pawing it from his eyes.

"Fuck this." He stared at the water. "You don't-...understand..what my life has turned into." Every word wavered and he hated it, swallowing.

[mathieu 'mat' darren blank]

Mat wrapped his arms tightly around him, not letting him go. He knew what he was thinking, that cold look that crossed his eyes. He knew all too well what he was thinking. Britt had thought it enough. Britt had /tried/ enough.

"Stop.. Okay? Stop. He's not me but he must fucking mean something, okay? If you're so hesitant about being with me, he must mean something. This is only as confusing as you're going to make it. I love you and I'm not going to sit around here watching you think about dying, and see you crying and.. You're not going to die on me. On him. You might not love him like me, but you love him enough to give up someone who loved you for five years. Until you finally decide to stop your pity party, I'm going to sit here and cling to you and I'm not letting go." He tightening his grip, looking away.

[dylan flambyte parker]

Dylan only jerked in his arms. "I'm hesitant because he's been hurt enough Mat!" He spat bitterly. "I wanna be with you again...so bad...but I don't wanna lose you again." He rubbed at his face. "why can't I just go..? It would be so much better..."

He shuddered, shouldering his tears away angrily.

[mathieu 'mat' darren blank]

"Because I'm not letting you go." He said flatly. He hummed a tune, keeping his arms tight around Dylan. It was a tune he had hummed enough, a tune his mother used to sing when he was a baby. He didn't remember much about her, besides the tune.

"Why save your kisses for a rainy day..." He started humming again. "Have you ever needed someone so bad? Have you ever wanted someone you just couldn't have? Did you ever try so hard, that your world just fell apart..." He started humming again, closing his eyes.

[dylan flambyte parker]

"You," Dylan muttered after every question followed by hums. He squirmed again, but honestly preferred causing problems just so Mat would hold him tight.

He sighed angrily. "You won't last long," He mumbled. "You'll let go eventually huh?" He rubbed at his face angrily. "Fuckin' life sucks balls now."

[mathieu 'mat' darren blank]

"You never had much faith in me." He mumbled, keeping his arms tight around him. He had no intentions of letting him go. "If I have to sit here and hold onto you until one of us die, then so be it. I may have lost the bet on the bus, but the stakes a much higher now. I'm not letting you go, Dylan."

He threw his legs across Dylan's figuring he may as well get comfy. "I'm not going to let you go until your boyfriend shows up, and then he can hold onto you. This is his fucking job. Not mine. But I'll do, for now. Until he comes and takes over."

[dylan flambyte parker]

Dylan just shook his head slowly. "Good, I'd rather die in your arms," He muttered bitterly. "Then my forever would be over and I wouldn't hurt you anymore..."

But his jaw trembled, tears overflowing, only five minutes later. "What happened to me, Mat? He sobbed. "I hate who I am, I dunno how to be who I was without you. I don't know how to have fun anymore. I miss my time with you and the guys, before you died and we had to grow up and move on. I dread getting up every damned morning and putting on a fucking mask just so peoplecan't see hiw I cry, how I dream about you every god damned fucking night no matter how much time passes."

[mathieu 'mat' darren blank]

"What happened to you is just that. You put on this facade that you're okay, you bottled it all up, and now you're a fucking hot mess. I can't help you with that, Dylan. You made your choice. I'm always going to be here. Well, until that kid dies. But until then, I'm going to be sitting on my head stone out in the cemetery. Take what you wanted and be happy with it. If you gotta cry sometimes, then fucking cry. Because someone who says they never cry is a fucking liar. It's not going to make you any less of a person. I used to cry all the time. Fuck, I still cry all the time." He shrugged.

"I love you, okay? I'm always in your heart, Dylan." He reached into his shirt, pulling out the necklace he always wore. His mom gave it to him when he was little and he wore it every day since she died. He slipped it over his head, then over Dylan's.

"Art is the weapon, imagination is the ammunition. Create and destroy as you see fit." He read the dog tags, then tucked them into his shirt.

[dylan flambyte parker]

Dylan only shook his head back and forth. "I dunno how to fix this anymore. I've fucked everyone around me up." He drew in a wavering breath. "You don't want me..not like this. Nobody fucking wants me like this. I'm not that fun sixteen year old anymore. Maybe-...maybe I could have done something different and not changed so much. I fake everything now..you don't understand."

He closed his eyes. "Never saw it coming you know? Lived in the moment and saw the future as us hapoy even after the tour..I was so wrong Mat, so fucking wrong. We didn't even make it halfway through..."