[CLOSED] still holding on.

[aubri 'bee' ella-paige reed]

She shook her head. She was used to the skimpy clothes. They weren't even adult's clothes. These were still the clothes she had when her family had been murdered. She just had gotten taller. Not eating much meant she didn't gain any weight. She looked over at him, starting to get worried. He must have been worried about something. She moved closer to him, wrapping her arms gently around him. She hugged him tight for a moment, then let him go, afraid she was invading his space. She didn't want him to get mad at her. She curled back up on the sofa, keeping her knees tight together.

"It's okay." She said quietly, watching him intently. She pulled her feet further under her, biting on her lip.

[trez matthew steele]

Trez eased up some at the hug, working his jaw some as it trembled. He rubbed at his face, fighting back invisible tears. He didn't think he had anymore left. He'd cried so much the past two and a half months....

"Nah it's not.." He murmured softly. "But I can't hange that, now can I?" He offered her a sad smile, gaze pausing at the picture of him and his brother on top of the tv before he looked away, briefly he debated on picking up his acoustic, but he wasn't sure he was in the mood right now, sighed. "I just gotta push on like everyone else, no complaints.." Hell, barely anybody knew Xan had been gone a little over two months now, probably figuring he was still at home sick. Connor knew, he'd sobbed over the phone to the younger male. Sean had been there at the funeral...but even the guys at the bar didn't know.

[aubri 'bee' ella-paige reed]

She moved back over to him, wrapping her arms around his torso. He hugged him close, laying her head on his shoulders. "It could always be worse.. Everything could always be worse.. You just have to smile and pretend it's okay. It's okay if you cry.." She knew she had cried enough since her family died to probably make another ocean. She rubbed his chest gently, hoping he could at least get a little comfort.

"You can squeeze me, if that makes you feel better. I'm okay with cuddling. Hugs make everything better, right?" She looked up at him.

[trez matthew steele]

Trez smiled faintly. "I've cried too much in the past two months..not much more I can do.." He swallowed, breaths, voice, wavering. He did wrap his arms securely around her. A stranger, but he didn't care. A familiar stranger at that, he'd dealt with plenty like her.

But nobody had ever been there for his own problems...through the hospital bills and chemotherapy and sickness his brother fought...nobody had been there since he had died, leaving him alone at night to fight off his grief and seizures by himself. He had almost broke down infront if Marc the other night.

But never once had he complained. Never once had he uttered a single word about any of it.

[aubri 'bee' ella-paige reed]

She didn't know what to say to make it better. She knew words couldn't help, nothing really helped. No matter if she tried to die, if she got so high on drugs she couldn't tell you her name, she knew all too well that there was really nothing to take the pain away.

"Nothing I can say is gonna make it better.. I don't know. I guess you just.. turn into a new person. Kinda like do a reverse butterfly. Instead of being a pretty butterfly you go back to that caterpillar. You just learn to live without the wings.." She didn't know if it made any sense to him, but it made sense to her. "I guess I'm trying to say you kinda.. become a new person. And learn to live with it. It just.. the pain doesn't go away.."

[trez matthew steele]

Trez scoffed faintly. "I know the pain doesn't go away..." He murmured softly. He ran a hand through his hair for a moment, shook his head.

He tasted booze, but he hadn't had anything to drink. Felt seizure meds coursing his body. His but not his, a deadly amount though he'd only taken one. Muscles twitched and tensed without much notice, watching, feeling people grip his wrists and hold him down, a rag in his mouth so he wouldn't bite his tongue.

Lost in the image, or flash back or whatever it was, he wasn't aware of the forming convulsions over his own body.

[aubri 'bee' ella-paige reed]

Aubri at first thought he was crying, until it started to get worse."Trez?" She looked up at him, tugging on his arm. "Trez! Snap out of it!" He was starting to scare her. Her little sister had suffered seizures, often choking on her own food. She had never known what to do. She moved away from him, patting him on the cheek as tears fell down her own.

"Please, snap out of it.." She pleaded, starting to pull on his arm again. "Trez, please.. It's okay.."

[trez matthew steele]

A faint sound escaped from deep within his throat. But mentally he was caught up in other things. This one wasn't just a seizure, but a memory.

Distantly he felt pain as he bit down on his tongue, clawing at the couch. The image was fading, he felt drunk and sick, and then blacked out.

Gradually the tremors had increased, he arched his chest up off the couch, gasping for breath. They slowed, following into tremors as he shivered, gagging at the taste of blood in his mouth. He felt ready to pass out for real as he came around, groaned shakily, reaching for his empty cup by the couch, spitting into it.

[aubri 'bee' ella-paige reed]

Aubri was in near hysterics when he finally came to. She hugged her knees close, her cheeks drenched in tears. She didn't know if he was okay now, if this meant that he was back to normal. Or if he was simply awake now. That didn't mean he was okay. It just meant that he wasn't having a seizure.

"... Trez?" She asked, bending down a bit, her voice cracking at the simple name. She waited for him to yell at her to leave, for him to tell her she needed to go. And she would. Gladly. As long as he was okay. "Do you need a doctor?" She ran her hands up and down her pale legs, curled up near him, but not close enough to touch him without moving.

[trez matthew steele]

"I-I-...I'm fine..." He murmured shakily, wincing. He poked his tongue out to check he hadn't bit down too hard. Looking hard enough, it was scarred. Having epilepsy and living alone wasn't exactly a safe thing. Even before Xander's death, his brother had been in the hospital so much it hadn't helped.

He gazed over at her tiredly, breaths rugged. A single tears rolled down his cheek. He reached up, hooking an arm around her and pulling her closer. "'M sorry...for scaring you.."