[CLOSED] hell? that's underrated.

[deacon reid rudman]

"I'm not your fucking father." He growled, his hands on either side of him. "I fucked you because I love you. He fucks you because he can. Because you're hot and when you're high, you're vulnerable. I fucked you once. And as far as I'm concerned.." His eyes faded back to his bright green. Only these eyes were hurt, confused, and on the verge of breaking.

"I-I don't care if I never fuck you again.." He rhasped, tears falling down his cheeks. "I've woke up to this same face.. I've cried over this same fucking face I'm looking at right now. And I.. I'm done crying, Connor.. If this is love, it's not what the hell I signed up for.. You have th-thousands of dollars of organs sitting at the hospital.." He heard Bandit sobbing and looked over, her small body curled up on the bridge and he started to cry again.

"All so you could see that little girl grow up.. So you could see Christy and have a tomorrow.. So I could give you everything you asked for.. But I'm nothing but your father, huh?" He walked over to Bandit, kneeling down beside her, trying to get her to stop crying before she made herself sick.

"Da dee me.. Da dee me.." She sobbed, and he scooped her up into his arms, rocking her gently. "Da dee yub me.."

[connor crayze sykes]

"M-my ribs-..." Connor choked, staring up at Deacon as he spoke, cried. He couldn't stop his shaking, gazing up at those hurt green eyes. No, like this Deacon wasn't his father at all.

"Y-you scared me..." He whimpered, watching him turn to Bandit, listening to her sobbing. He rubbed at his eyes, approached them hesitantly, staring down at Deacon with confused emotions swimming in his half dilated eyes. His body ran through drugs far too fast.

He dropped beside them, burying his face in his hands with a sob. "I-I'm juss' so scared...I'll l-leave Deacon...i-i-if that's what you want..f-forever...I c-can't live with that though...I-I-I can't promise I won't give up fightingg..." He coughed, too overworked.

"But I'll leave y-youu 'lone..." He sniffed, rubbing at his aching side. "Just tell m-me to goo..I don't wanna h-hurt you nomore..."

[deacon reid rudman]

Deacon rocked her close, stroking her red hair. She sobbed harder, and his heart completely broke.

"I don't want you to leave, Connor.. But if getting high is more important to you than us, then you do need to leave. Because there's no point in me giving up everything for someone who isn't going to help themselves. When you're fixed, you're going to go right back to drugs and alcohol. You're going to give up again. I love you, don't you get that? You're not a lay, or my boyfriend or someone I just love.. You're my world. I'd marry you if you asked me to, Connor.. Everything I have is on the line right now, waiting for you to decide if you want to get better, or if you want to keep fucking around. You tell me. I don't want you to leave, I don't want you to go. I want you here with me. But I can't help you if you don't want me to, Connor.. You died when you went to the hospital. Bandit was screaming for you, pleading for you to wake up.. She was hysterical, Connor, and she's one.. She loves you.. I love you.. Why would you want to give this all up? I can touch you for a reason, Connor. And if you think anyone else is going to give a damn, you're wrong.."

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor began to cry harder as he listened, as Deacon explained how upset Bandit had been..how he would even marry him. He coughed until he was dry heaving softly, leaning over to retch, pills and booze. It hurt, and he hugged at his chest with a faint whimper, curling up on his side instead.

"I-I don't wanna leave you..I just got sc-cared Deacon..I p-panicked and m-made a mistake.. Knowing my kidn-neys' lungs, s-stomach, liver-..." He shuddered. "It was too m-much and I f-fuucked uup...I don't wanna...h-hurrt you.." He coughed again, cringing, then sat up and crawled towards them, actions growing hesitant as he drew nearer Deacon, took Bandit and hugged her close, booze on his breath. But he was coherent enough. "I-it's okay baby...I'm here..n-n-not goin' nowhere 'k-'kay..?"

He kissed the top of her head, rubbing a too shaky hand across her back soothingly. "Y-you'rrre...alright now-..."

[deacon reid rudman]

He moved, sitting behind Connor. He wrapped his arms around his waist, kissing his neck softly. Bandit reached up a small hand, brushing away his tears awkwardly, sniffling as she tried to stop crying.

"Yub oo.." She told him, clinging to his shirt now as Deacon clung to his waist.

"You can't go back, Connor.. I can get you into surgery in the morning, but you can't go back to this.. We need you, Connor.. I can't live without you. And I know one day I'm going to have to. But I'm going to keep you here as long as I can.. Please just.. stop.. I love you, Connor." Tears fell down Deacon's cheeks, and he held Connor closer. "This isn't living, baby.."

[connor crayze sykes]

"I-I know it's not..." He whispered, leaning back. "I love y-y-you too..both o-of you..." He'd alread wasted his second chance at life, at that immortality Deacon had as well.

He hugged Bandit close, curling up in Deacon's lap, afraid of losing either of them, afraid that if he made another mistake they would both be gone forever. And that scared him the most. Meth...it was far too hard to stop cold turkey..he knew he would make another mistake..and he didn't want to go through this again.

Adrenalin and drugs were keeping the pain in his chest at bay, but he agreed silently to Deacon's words, owed him at least that much no matter any fear. He had to be here for him..for all of them. He couldn't just give up now.

[deacon reid rudman]

Deacon held him close, leaning down to kiss his forehead. He ran a hand through his hair, watching as Bandit pulled Connor's hand to her mouth. 'A little dirt never hurt.' He thought, closing his eyes as he leaned against the railing. Everything he loved could fit in his lap. And he had almost lost half of it. He couldn't get Connor's words out of his head, that he was just like his dad. He knew he had hurt him, knew that he shouldn't have. He held him close, his mind going blank as those words rang in his ears, again and again.

'I'll never touch him again.. No matter how bad he wants me, I'm not going to be his dad and sleep with him..' He ran his fingers across his cheek, looking down at him.

"Everything's okay now.. Okay?" He whispered.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor stared down at her mutely, hands starting to hurt where the metal had dug deep into his palms, side starting to ache as adrenalin wore away. He felt Deacon's hand on his cheek and turned to gaze at him with exhausted eyes, drugs and confusion swimming in their depths. He had let his own fear take advantage of him, reached his free hand to brush Deacon's tears away with trembling finger tips.

"O-okay.." He mumbled, swallowing as he rested his head against the older male's chest, listening to his breaths, the steady beat of his heart. It was soothing, something constant and unchanging, and his eyes began to get harder and harder to keep open, breaths husky, rasping softly in his own chest and throat.

[deacon reid rudman]

Deacon held him close, rocking them both slowly. It hurt, his back brushing against the metal of the bridge. But he didn't care. As far as he was concerned, he deserved it. No one could deny Deacon was suicidal; he loved to slit his wrists as much as the next person. And right now, he was tempted to. But he didn't. He just let his back brush over the metal as he rocked his world slowly. He figured he could carry them both back home. He had carried heavier. Spirits were heavy with burdens, sins and sorrow.

He kissed him softly, then rested his head onto of his head, chewing on his lip until he eventually made it bleed.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor stirred some at the gentle kiss, hummed faintly and shifted his weight before closing his eyes again. He had retracted his wings; drawn them into himself awhile ago, held his backpack close. Sure it held pills and drugs and the supplies, probably enough to kill somebody five times over, a gun and ammunition. But beneath it all were ton of letters and little trinkets. His only belongings despite his guitar were in there, them being the substances, and the things from his sister.

The raspy sound of his breathing slowed into sleep, body relaxing from its highly tensed state.