[CLOSED] and aim for my heart.

[deacon reid rudman]

"Come on.." He said, helping him to his feet. He walked back out to the car, stopping in their room to get their belts and such. He folded the paper, putting it in the door of his car, where he knew he would never reach for it again. He started the car with shaking hands, having decided he would let Connor die if that's what he really wanted. He drummed his fingers on the wheel, waiting for Connor to get situated.

"Just in time for your movie.." He said quietly, realizing why he could feel Connor now- that he really didn't have much longer.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor climbed into the passengers seat, didn't bother with the belt. He stared out the window mutely. "I don't wanna go." He mumbled flatly, letting out a shaky breath.

He crossed his arms over his chest, bit his lip. "Lemme see that list Deacon.." He whispered softly, guilt in his voice.

[deacon reid rudman]

"Why? You aren't going to follow it. And in a week you're gonna be dead. So I think it's just a waste of paper." He said, pulling out of the parking lot. He drove home in silence, his hurt coming off as anger, anger he should be taking out on God but that he's just going to keep bottled up until he commits suicide again.

He pulled into the driveway where Dallas' car wasn't anymore. He guessed she took Bandit back to her house. He climbed out of the car, searching for the house key on his key ring. He opened it up, walking inside with his head down.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connir fell quiet, keeping his face turned away to hide the hurt tears rolling down his cheeks.

He got out, wary with the mood Deacon was in. But as they reached the door he grabbed the older male's shirt. "You really th-think that low of me? Give m-me the fucking list Deacon."

[deacon reid rudman]

Deacon looked down at him, then walked back to the car. He grabbed it out his door, walking back over and handing it to him.

"Don't you /ever/ think I think you're any less than God, Connor. If you don't think don't I worship the ground you walk on, you're sadly mistaken." He said, pushing the door open behind him. "You're everything to me, Connor. Everything." He stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking down at him. "You mean more to me than I could ever hope to mean to you.."

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor shook his head mutely, just unfolding the list, eyes skimming over it, trying to tune Deacon's words out. But he couldn't.

He sighed shakily, dropping onto the couch, lifting his shirt, staring dejectedly at his bruised, thin stomach as he curled up.

[deacon reid rudman]

"Or you can just do that.." He mumbled, grabbing his list off the table. He started a second list of things he could do tomorrow after work. Then took the first list and shoved it in his pockets.

"I'm running to the store. Is there anything you need?" He asked, leaning against the door frame, obviously hurt.

[connor crayze sykes]

"Y-you again," Connor mumbled, wishing he could go, knowing he shouldn't. "And whatever's o-on that list." He coughed softly, sighing and draping an arm over his chest swallowing.

"I'm s-sorry Deacon," He whispered, closing his eyes and curling up.

[deacon reid rudman]

"We can't buy any more me. We have enough me." He said with a serious face. "Dont be sorry. What are you even sorry for?" He walked over, kissing him softly. "Don't be sorry, okay? You have no reason to be sorry. About anything."

[connor crayze sykes]

"Yes I-I do...I sh-shoulda done something when th-they said it was acute like, a y-year ago.." He let out a shaky breath. "A-and I should have prom-mised to follow that list earlier..I don't wanna l-leave you.."

He hugged him close.